I really like what Homohelp has been doing, so I figure, why not contribute.
Now, after I say that, I must say, my story is remarkably boring and nondescript. Things went perfectly and I haven’t had troubles from it. I’ve not had a single person back away from me because of my coming out, and it’s been wonderful, but here goes, I guess.
I’ve known I was gay since, what, probably 7th or 8th grade in middle school. Now, I didn’t accept it until I was into my second year of college. By this point, nobody, online or in person, had heard me say anything about being gay. I actually refused to get drunk up until this point for fear I would accidentally come out. But, tragedy struck and I became enamored with my best friend, as I’m sure many of you have had happen to you.
After a month of dealing with some of the most painful feelings of my life, I decided to come out to him. Now, this wasn’t me coming out, he’s the only person I told, I basically said “I have no idea why, I’m pretty much straight, but I have a crush on you.” I spent a week before making sure he was okay with gay people, by the way, telling him some anecdotes about the Westboro church at my high school and whatnot. He was fine with all of that, that’s the only reason I could ever pull this courage together.
It wasn’t easy, but things between the two of us got rid of the awkwardness quite quickly, and we’re still wonderful friends.
As time went on with him and I discussed things with him, I eventually got over my stupid lie of “I’m pretty much straight” and openly admitted “yeah, I’m gay.” to him. At this point, I was ready to come out to my friends. Once again, being an ordinary human being and not having all the answers given to me, I had no idea how one came out. Do you sit down and make an announcement? Do you just drop it into conversation? Should I just post the bloody thing on facebook?
Well, I was lucky. After months of debating, the situation just popped into my hand. A year ago I had worked with a labmate who was… not particularly pleasant to be around. He was interesting to talk to, but unfortunately he did not stop talking. And, for whatever reason, the question came up: Would you rather spend a summer of research sitting next to this person again, or have sex with another guy (who also happens to be in my lab group.)
I took a second, pretended to think about it, and basically said “yeah, I’m gay, I’d rather sleep with the guy.”
Oh, it was perfect. Sometimes I wonder how such perfect situations set themselves up. I wanted to come out, didn’t know how, and it was glorious. I was asked when I came out later by a few people, who were all surprised to hear that it was right there. The next time I was drunk at a party, people asked me all sorts of questions, which, honestly, I love, even if people feel the question is “offensive”, I really don’t care. Honestly? I don’t even give a rat’s ass if you ask me if I’m top of bottom, I think the question is awesome. If you want to think of me with some other guy’s dick up my ass, feel free to do so!
Now, I’m not going to say my life is perfect. Since then, I have gone on anti-depressants, gotten into spats with friends, dealt with homophobes, and so on. Life isn’t perfect. It isn’t perfect if you’re gay, it isn’t perfect if you’re straight, or anything in between or totally off somewhere else. I get sick like a straight person, I get angry at people like a straight person, I get heartbroken like a straight person. Things like that don’t change just because you’re gay.
So, in the end, I hope all of you who haven’t come out but would like to could be handed a situation like I was. It was awesome that it happened that way and I still appreciate the person who asked me that hypothetical. I’m single, haven’t been in a relationship, but I’m dealing. In the end, just remember, coming out may be a big deal, but it doesn’t change who you are, just what others think of you.